I Bend So I Don’t Break

173a7e2b7d1c2c955c5d88c82375af11One of the most profound lessons I have learned (repeatedly) in life is that in order to become the person of our dreams, we must take (educated) risks. We absolutely cannot wait for “luck” and “magic” to take us where we wish to go. We must realize, we are our own luck and magic.

I find it somewhat funny that we put such unbearable weight on every decision we make in life. As if each and every single decision must last a lifetime. I’ve learned this is a very unrealistic and very stifling way of living. And really, let’s not even call it living. Let’s call it (barely) existing.

How can we possibly know each and every thing that we will wish to carry out in our coming years? We only know who we are in that moment. We only know what we desire in that moment.

Instead, just like in yoga, why don’t we bend in a new direction, push ourselves to become a little more flexible, and let that flexibility take us where it will. And why don’t we stand confident in each pose along the way. Let us savor it. And let ourselves take risks and changes. Those risksuntitled and changes will bring us to crossroads we never even knew existed. And so we must take solace in the choices we have made. Because they have, for perceivably good or bad, brought us here. To this place in the present. And that is all that matters.

I’m going to use myself as an example. I have a degree in psychology. And I thought when I was younger, and maybe not even that long ago, that I may want to be a counselor. But during that journey, I learned things about the profession and myself that made me step away from that path.

And so I savored what my current profession was. Savored what it brought to me. And kept moving. Down the beautiful road that is my life. Toward the unknown.

inspirations-resized-600In time, I realized that what I wanted to work toward today was very different. And, at first, I was fearful of moving toward it, or even saying I wanted to move toward it. I’m sure you all have the same internal voice I do…

What will happen if I do this? What will people say? What if I fail? What if I change my mind again? But I’ve already been doing this for 20 years, I can’t change now. But I’m too old. Or am I too young?

But here’s the thing. I’m not regretting the choices I’ve made up until this point. Rather, I’m so very happy I’ve made them. I wouldn’t give away my previous degree for anything. It helped to shape me into who I am. It gave me knowledge and experience. And without it, perhaps I wouldn’t be where I am. Contemplating what I am.

My love of the written word stems back to childhood. A voracious reader. An eager learner. A deep, creative soul. I didn’t really give much weight to my passion for language and writing until I began writing as an adult. I can’t escape it. I love to read. I love to write. I love to inspire others to reach toward their own destiny and take hold of their beautiful and individual creativity.

I’ve been contemplating this all deeply over the past few months. And I made a bold decision. 80faf23505331ac9de1e2c72102a4688To say, excuse my French, “fuck it” to my fears and anyone who doubts any aspect of me. Luckily, I don’t really have anyone who doubts me. Although, I’m sure those people will surface at varying points in the future.

I decided that to master the thing I love best, I would go back and get a second degree in English Language and Literature and then complete my graduate degree in the same.

My husband was ever so supportive and enthusiastic about this endeavor. And I am too. I can’t even really tell you how excited I am. It will be hard. But I love hard. That’s where I learn and grow. And I’m excited about all the glorious things I can do with this newfound knowledge. I have ideas, and I’m excited about all the other ideas and opportunities that will inevitably come to fruition along the way.

And there was one more thing I was ready for.  I realized I am far too proud of this current manuscript I’m writing. That I want to take another risk and query it upon completion. Bring on the rejections. It’s a risk I feel I am ready to take. And if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay too. It will teach me things. And that knowledge and experience will bring me to new destinations.

take-chances--large-msg-128128160597What does it feel like to be so flexible, so open-minded to all the possibilities that swirl around us? It feels a little overwhelming. It makes me sort of dizzy. Makes my stomach quiver a little sometimes if I think too much on it. But ultimately, my dear friends, it makes my heart feel liberated in a way I never knew.

What we need to realize is that life changes us. And that is good. It’s wonderful. While, yes, it is scary, we must embrace change because it is necessary. And we have to stop beating ourselves up for every single step we take along the way. Change your mind 100 times. Try 400 different things. If that is what you have to do to arrive at your happiest and most fulfilled self, it was not a waste. It was necessary.

Until next time,

Happy Living!


2 thoughts on “I Bend So I Don’t Break

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